Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Joke: 38 tips to improve your writing (a joke)


1. Avoid alliteration. Always.



2. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.



3. Employ the vernacular.



4. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.



5. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.



6. Remember to never split an infinitive.



7. Contractions aren't necessary.



8. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.



9. One should never generalize.



10. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."



11. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.



12. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.



13. Be more or less specific.



14. Understatement is always best.



15. One-word sentences? Eliminate.



16. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.



17. The passive voice is to be avoided.



18. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.



19. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.



20. Who needs rhetorical questions?



21. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.



22. Don't never use a double negation.



23. capitalise every sentence and remember always end it with a full stop



24. Do not put statements in the negative form.



25. Verbs have to agree with their subjects.



26. Proofread carefully to see if you words out.



27. If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.



28. A writer must not shift your point of view.



29. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. (Remember, too, a preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with.)



30. Don't overuse exclamation marks!!



31. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to the irantecedents.



32. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.



33. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.



34. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.



35. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.



36. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.



37. Always pick on the correct idiom.


38. Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; They're old hat; seek viable alternatives.

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Song: Give it to me baby

Song

220px-Rick_James_-_Give_It_to_Me_Baby
"Give It to Me Baby" is the title of a 1981 song by American R&B / funk singer Rick James. Taken from his album Street Songs, the song charted on the Billboard Hot 100, spending two weeks at No. 40 in July 1981. The song proved to be even more successful with R&B and dance club audiences. It spent five weeks at No. 1 on the R&B chart, and together with two other tracks from Street Songs, "Super Freak" and "Ghetto Life", topped the American dance chart for three weeks in the summer of 1981.

Lyrics

When I came home last night
You wouldn't make love to me
You went fast asleep
You wouldn't even talk to me
You say I'm so crazy
Coming home intoxicated
I say just want to love you, I just wanna love you, baby
Guess that's why I'm so elated, come on, girl
Give it to me, baby (Give it to me, baby)
Give it to me, baby (Give it to me, baby)
I betcha I'll make you holler you've had enough
Give it to me, baby (Give it to me, baby)
Just give it to me, baby
Give it to me, baby (Give it to me, baby)
I betcha I'll make you holler you've had enough
Give it to me
Give me that stuff, that funk, that sweet, that funky stuff {Say what}
Give it to me
Give me that stuff, that funk, that sweet, that funky stuff {Say what}
Give it to me, give it to me
Give it to me, give it to me
Give me your stuff, that funk, that sweet, that funky stuff (Yo-ho, ow)
Give it to me, baby
When I was high as the sky
Out all night just dancin'
You say, 'Let's go home' {Come on, Rick, I'm tired, let's go home}
That's the time I start romancin'
You say how can I love you, how can I love you, baby
When your body keeps on movin'
I say wait till I squeeze you, oh
Maybe then you'll start to groovin', come on, girl
Give it to me, baby (Give it to me, baby)
Give it to me, baby (Give it to me, baby)
I betcha I'll make you holler you've had enough
Give it to me, baby (Give it to me, baby)
Just give it to me, baby
Give it to me, baby (Give it to me, baby)
I betcha I'll make you holler you've had enough
Give it to me
Give me that stuff, that funk, that sweet, that funky stuff {Say what}
Give it to me
Give me that stuff, that funk, that sweet, that funky stuff {Say what}
Give it to me, give it to me
Give it to me, give it to me
Give me your stuff, that funk, that sweet, that funky stuff (Yo-ho, ow)
Hey, girl
Give it to me what you say
Give it to me what you say
{Give it to me} What you say
{Give it to me}, what you say [Hey, girl]
Give it to me what you say
Give it to me what you say
{Give it to me, give it to me} [Hey, girl]
Give it to me what you say
Give it to me what you say
Give it to me, give it to me
Give it to me what you say
Give it to me right away
Give it to me, give it to me
Give it to me what you say
Read more:James Rick - Give It To Me Baby Lyrics | MetroLyrics

Monday, August 5, 2013

Audio:The English We Speak: After

Join Li and Finn for a drink in the bar and learn a new way to ask someone what they want.

Listen
script

Yang Li: Hi, and welcome to The English We Speak, with me Yang Li. I'm in a very crowded bar, trying to get served.
Barman:(Shouting) Who's next please?
Drinkers: Me, me, me...

Barman: OK you...
Drinker: I'd like a gin and tonic please...

Barman: That'll be £3.60. OK...
Yang Li: Oh, I think I'm next...

Barman: Hi, are you next?
Yang Li: Yes, yes, it's me now...
Barman: What are you after?
Yang Li: What am I after? No, it's my turn now, thank you...
Barman: OK, I know that. What are you after?
Yang Li: I'm after... eh? I'm after... the person before me?
Barman: Don't try to be funny. What are you after?
Yang Li: Sorry barman, I'm really confused - I mean, just a minute... I know you! You're not a barman. Aren't you our presenter, Finn?
Barman: Yes, it's me. Just earning a little extra money!
Yang Li: I thought so! Very nice bar you have here. OK - what normally happens in this programme is we explain an idiomatic English expression. So, why do you keep asking me what I'm after?
Barman: OK, I'll be quick - there are customers waiting! Today's expression is indeed 'after'. When you say you're 'after something', it means you want it, especially in situations like shopping, or when buying things. Like this:
  • A: I'm after a pair of formal leather shoes.
  • B: Come this way sir. We have a great selection.

  • A: Hello, what are you after?
  • B: I'd like a glass of white wine please.

Yang Li: OK, I get it now! I'm after a pint of ale, please.
Barman: Of course, Li. This one's on the house! Shh... just don't tell the boss.

Yang Li: Cheers Finn (drinks).
Barman: While Li is drinking, let me tell you – if you're after more English slang expressions - keep listening to The English We Speak, and check out our website bbclearningenglish.com.
Right, who's next?

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