The four things that doom relationships

Author: John Gottman 

John has studied thousands of couples and show Four things came up again and again that indicated a relationship was headed for trouble. He call them "The Four Horsemen Of The Relationship Apocalypse"

#1: Criticism

Criticism is staging the problem in a relationship as a character flaw in a partner. The Masters did the opposite: they point a finger at themselves and they really have a very gentle way of starting up the discussion, minimizing the problem and talking about what they feel and what they need.

#2: Defensiveness

The second horseman was defensiveness which is a natural reaction to being criticized. It takes two forms: counterattacking or acting like an innocent victim and whining. Again, the Masters were very different even when their partner was critical. They accepted the criticism, or even took responsibility for part of the problem. They said, “Talk to me, I want to hear how you feel about this.”

#3: Contempt

Contempt is talking down to their partner. Being insulting or acting superior. Not only did it predict relationship breakup, but it predicted the number of infectious illnesses that the recipient of contempt would have in the next four years when we measured health.

#4: Stonewalling

It’s shutting down or tuning out. It passively tells your partner, “I don’t care.” And 85% of the time it’s guys who do this.

John is a professor emeritus at the University of Wrashington and co-founder of the Gottman Institute. He’s published over 190 papers and authored more than 40 books, including:

• Principia Amoris: The New Science of Love
• The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
• The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships

Source:

http://tienganh99.wordpress.com/2014/12/13/the-4-most-common-relationship-problems-and-how-to-fix-them/

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Audio Book : The 43 Antarean Dynasties

Read by Steven Burley and Gregg Taylor
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The 43 Antarean Dynasties

"The 43 Antarean Dynasties" is a science fiction short story published in 1997 by Mike Resnick. It won the 1998 Hugo Award for Best Short Story.The story itself can be considered as a science fictional spin on the study of postcolonialism.

summary

A man, a woman, and a child emerge from the Temple of the Honored Sun. The woman holds a camera to her eye, capturing the same image from a dozen unimaginative angles. The child, his lip sparsely covered with hair that is supposed to imply maturity, never sees beyond the game he is playing on his pocket computer. The man looks around to make sure no one is watching him, grinds out a smokeless cigar beneath his heel, and then increases his pace until he joins them.

They approach me, and I will myself to become one with my surroundings, to insinuate myself into the marble walls and stone walkways before they can speak to me.

I am invisible. You cannot see me. You will pass me by.

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